Brand New.
Something really woke me up and opened my eyes just a little while ago. A sentence that was said to me really got me thinking about my life now, and my life in 2008. For the past year and a little bit, i've constantly been living my life in fear; Fear of losing everything good that i have around me. Now someone would argue that with everything i have going for me, i should be the happiest person in the world but that's far from how it really is. For a guy like me, having a life thats near perfect is something that seems fictional, almost fairytale like. Why? Well lets just say my past was a little darker than most, a little more violent than it should've been, more drugs and alcohol than i should've probably consumed, broke one too many hearts, broke one too many jaw's, gambled way too much, and the list goes on. I lived an amazing life in my past don't get me wrong but it's what i know about that past that makes me feel like i don't deserve this present. Then i think about all the positives that i've accomplished, all the goals that i've achieved and mountains i've climbed and i begin to think, maybe i do deserve this after all. As you can see my mind tends to contradict itself, a power struggle of thoughts if you will. Basically it's like this, Karma. I'm scared that i'm living this all time high right now, and before i know it Karma will come and strike to bring me to an all time low. That is exactly why i've been living in fear. Then someone let me realize, living in fear isnt living at all and thats when the following came to mind...I Present to you, the new and improved, back and better than ever, a little of the old and a shit load of some new...Jay Sanchez.
2009.
If i was to put a heading on this year to describe me and my plans, it would simply be...WATCH THIS.I want to be as driven and as confident in myself and my game as i was 4 years ago, i want all of that back. I want to be able to walk outside with my chin high to the sky with an attitude like fuck it, instead of me worrying about losing everything i have. I want my confidence back and i want my swagger back,now. I dropped the ball with everything around me because my mind painted this picture of what COULD happen, instead of what IS happening. My relationship with my girlfriend, what can i say about that. It's perfect, but because of my fear and insecurities and lack of confidence i put a few dents in it. But not anymore, I promise that my confidence in myself and us is back 100% and my insecurities are non-existent. I Love you, I love All of you, Every inch of you and i want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you ; Cmq.I don't care much about the people around me anymore other than my family, my girlfriend and a few close friends. To me, that is all that matters now. It's their opinions and their two cents that i will be thinking about at the end of the day, no one else's.
*My goals for 2009?
- Go back to school and upgrade more to move up higher at my workplace.
- Save, Save, Save.
- Work Out Every Single Day.
- Get Back To Reading More.
- Get my starbucks days back.
- Keep my room more clean than it already is.
- Not to raise my voice when arguing.
- Handle certain situations the way i used to.
- Never drop the ball and remember what the main goal of this relationship was, to make her happy, enough said.
- Stop trying to impress or please others.
- Stop worrying about what people say about me,its jealousy.
- Do More Around the house.
- Write Again.
- Work Harder in Everything i do.
- Sleep Early !
- Not to sleep in past twelve on the weekends.
- Stay away from coffee as much as i could.
- Trust More.
- Laugh More and Live More Care Free.
- TBC.
*Sidenote: I keep things very simple, don't do anything that would bother me and i won't do anything that would bother you, keep it real with me and i'll keep it real with you. I'm about you and only you and that's how i want it. I don't care if your the only girl in my life, as long as it's you it's all good. I love you more than ever these days, let's not switch up the formula because it might just cause an explosion that we both wouldn't want. Like i said, in order for something really good to stay really good or even possibly become a million times better, we have to work at it. Let's not remember the good times, forget the bad times and make some amazing times, if that makes sense? You got my emails and you hear me it from me personally, everything is right in front of us and all we have to do is grab it and hold on tight. I love you Cecilia Marie Quintos.
*Final Word
Consider this post the introduction, the mission statement and the warning, Im Jay Sanchez for heavens sake, when the hell did i forget that? Alot of people are gonna read this and say whoa easy there, this dude is cocky. But those are the people that know nothing about me, and nothing about my past. Those are the people that THINK they know me, because of what they see on the outside, but do your homework and i bet you'll have a change of heart. Those that DO know me, are probably saying, it's about damn time you woke up and snapped out of it. Let's Go. `Js.
2009 officially marks the year of me. Again.
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